I’ve hinted at it a few times on here already, and hope to talk more about it in future posts over the coming year, but Nate and I have always – even before meeting and marrying one another – felt the call to adopt. In all honesty my initial thoughts were just that it would be “cool” to adopt some kids that didn’t look like me, and even though that was long before it was made popular by celebrities, that was not the right heart to have.
Ever since we had Wes I’ve come to learn so much about what it really means to have children and willingly sacrifice for another human being. We try to live sacrificially in our marriage and serve one another daily, but it’s a whole different animal entirely when it comes to children. I’ve also been fairly quiet on our future baby plans partly because we don’t really know what the Lord has in store and partly because it’s a private subject in our lives that I would rather keep sacred in some regards. However, adoption continues to become a more and more consuming thought for me. There are babies out there, children, who need love. Who need parents. Children that my heart already loves, that my eyes already cry for, that I worry about daily.
I don’t know them yet. And I don’t have to. But I love them.
I have a beautiful friend who has just been the most amazing supporter for me as I work through what adoption would look like for our family. Emotionally, spiritually, financially, and logistically – it’s all so overwhelming, and there are days where I feel defeated beyond belief as I rifle through these feelings, pour over websites and documents, look at informational meetings and stare blankly at the paperwork. Where is God leading us? When is the time right?
CAN MY HEART HANDLE THIS?
One of the most helpful things I’ve done through the whole process thus far is read Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. I actually read it on the plane to and from San Diego last month, and was that crazy stranger sitting in the airplane crying the whole time. Y’all know that I feel things very deeply, and just the thought of having a baby out there without my love is devastating to me. I could go on for pages and pages about this book and what it taught me, but I’m only going to say these two things:
ONE: My line of thought in regards to adoption has been completely transformed. One of the things that stuck out to me the most is that people will actually say things like, “So when are you going to have children of your own?” and other like questions, as though adopted children are not real or are less so than biological kids. I never once ever THOUGHT that, but I know I’ve said things similar to that statement, and it hurts my heart to even think it now. The book works in detail through this, and even if you don’t feel called to adopt but know someone who does I would recommend reading it to learn how to support them better.
TWO: I can’t recommend this book enough, even if you don’t want to adopt and even if you don’t know anyone who does, because it works through what it looks like for us, people in general, as adopted children in the family of Christ.
As it stands now we still don’t know what the future holds for us in the realm of adoption, but we do know that we feel stronger than ever before about it. We know that we are feeling called to adopt locally, but still have a special place in our hearts for international adoption as well. I know that my heart soars when I think about our family’s future, about how everyone will have different faces and features, different backgrounds and ancestries, but knowing that we will all be united in love together. I love it.
We are still not entirely sure what a time frame for adoption looks like for us, but our hearts are evermore being pulled toward orphan care and doing what we can to help while we figure life out. Through our church and friends who have adopted we found out about Project Zero, whose goal is to raise awareness about adoption through the state foster care system with the ultimate goal of finding a forever family for every child that is waiting. Through my relationship with Great Day Farms I’ve been able to donate financially to Project Zero, but more importantly I’ve been challenged to pray for the kids in the foster care system here daily.
Y’all, my heart has never been this torn up before, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I wouldn’t trade the hurt and worry that I feel for these precious children because I finally am learning the vastness of the love that the Lord feels for us all. So while I can’t say that I’ll announce every little twist and turn in our adoption story on here, I can say with certainty that the Lord has big things ordained for our family and I will stand in awe and praise of it every step of the way!