You guys probably already know this from my constant chit-chat about how sweet our boy is, how much fun he is, and so on, but I just can’t even begin to describe how much I love being a mother.
My sister and I are 4.5 years apart, and I don’t really remember her as a baby all that well. I was too busy playing sports and working in high school to babysit, and continued that trend in college. When Nate and I got married I figured that two kids was enough, but truth be told I was kind of terrified of babies and the prospect of having kids. It’s not that I didn’t want them, but I really do like sleep and and privacy and the occasional (daily) nap.
When we found out we were pregnant with Story and then again with Wes, I was incredibly excited but also deeply afraid. Scared and worried that I would have to give up the woman I was and just become a slave to the needs of children. I didn’t have the first idea of what to do with a baby, and while I can say with certainty now that it is mostly instinctual, I was still clueless. Big time.
And then one cold but sunny day almost one year ago the cries of a sweet little boy rang in my ears as he made his entrance into this world, and my entire world came crashing down in the best way possible. I forgot those fears (let’s be honest, I forgot most things because it’s hard to not sleep and also think straight) and just dove in head first. We’ve grown a lot over the past year, and I can also say with certainty that I’ve left that woman that I was far behind.
And I met the woman I am now.
The woman whose dreams completely changed the second she started caring for her baby. The woman who threw numbers to the wind and hopes to have both biological and adopted babies – a lot of them, God willing – in her life. The woman who cries over hardships and sadness, who seeks out reasons to pray for others, who really does pay attention to putting herself second. I know motherhood isn’t for everyone, and I can respect that. But for me? For this woman?
It’s the greatest job in the world, a blessing, and the catalyst the Lord is using to clean out the cobwebs of my dirty heart.
Praise be to God, for HE HAS SEEN ME (Genesis 16:13) – the real me, the mommy within!
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