“Okay, maybe I’m being a little narcissistic. Okay, a 9.3 [on a scale of 10]. But what do you think a blog is? It’s me, me, me, day after day!”
I’ve been struggling lately. Struggling with fitting everything in every day. Struggling to put life first and the blog second. Struggling to put everything else first and then myself second. Struggling to sleep, to get my baby to sleep, to write, to fulfill ideas and promises and find a clear vision. And let’s not even get started on putting God first. There are days that I don’t even know what that looks like.
I wrote a series that has blown up online about how blogging is my real job, and I’ve said hundreds of times that I feel so blessed to call it that. I really, really do. But there are also times that, as in all things, there’s a bit of burnout going on. I can’t say that what I’m feeling right now is burnout because I am so inspired all day long. But the innate pull is to focus inward, to talk about me, to promote me.
This wears on me, you know? And it makes me question the why I feel so heavy and burdened with something that I love so much. Sunday we were going through Galatians 5:16-26 and I just had this burning desire to make my online presence one that is humble, working to promote others over myself. And I realized that I can do that because this blog, as huge of a blessing as it is, is not what defines me. I’m free because Christ died for me, and I can have peace about putting myself last because He’s always the one who fills me up.
It’s a journey, this blogging gig, and around every turn it turns into something more and more beautiful and life-giving. I believe that God is using it to change me, and my prayer is that He will use it to change even some of the small parts of this world!