Happy Monday morning all! Hope you guys had an amazing weekend like I did 🙂
Yesterday morning we were in a hurry to get to church, so we stopped at Einstein’s for some bagels:
I didn’t realize that I really wanted the power bagel until they’d already made the blueberry one, so I ate it anyway…not like it wasn’t delicious! It’s a blueberry bagel with reduced fat honey almond schmear. YUM 🙂
Church was great, but I’ll get into that later. Nate and Amy and I decided to hit up DD’s Sourdough Pizza after church! They have really great lunch specials there. I got a D’Pesto Calzone (pesto, artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, red onion, mozzarella, and ricotta) and a drink for $8! I ate the whole thing, but Nate and I decided that once I can eat meat again we’ll start sharing a lunch special. It’s more than enough food and that would come out to $4 a person!
When we got home we were doing some work on the computers and then accidentally fell asleep…oops! It was snowing and cold outside, and oh-so-snuggly indoors. Just couldn’t help it I guess! When we awakened we started cleaning a little more, and then decided to hit up the store before the snow got too bad. We ended up at Walmart and ate at Subway there…no pictures because I didn’t think we were going to eat! Sorry! I had a 6″ flatbread veggie delight with lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, red onion, pickles, olives, banana peppers, and sweet onion sauce. Oh, and 1.5 cookies 🙂 When we got home we just finished up laundry and did some blog-stalking before hitting the sack!
This morning I got up WAAAAAAAAAAAY too early (still felt like 5 instead of 6!) to do the weight part of the workout on my HPJ page…tomorrow’s the last day! The good news? I’m already there 🙂 Now I’m working on a workout plan that accomodates my healing knee and incorporates more weight training so I can (hopefully) get a little more toned over the coming months. I’m hoping to finish it this coming weekend and start next Monday! Breakfast was a Green(ish) Monster:
I made a little extra to freeze and eat with lunch 🙂 I’m so excited I get to see my sister tomorrow! She and her boyfriend are coming up tomorrow and will be here through Friday! I wish my parents could come too, but they’ve got some fun travel coming up at the end of this month and needed to stay home. But I’m excited to show them around the area and hit the slopes for Skiing 101 on Thursday 🙂
I mentioned earlier I would talk about church for a bit. Yesterday Nate and I and 2 other couples were able to get up in front of everyone and talk about some recent conflict in our lives, and how we’ve been able to get through that together and with the people (our friends and family) in our lives. Nate and I went first, and basically were talking about how we both want to be in control all the time and react to uncontrollable situations poorly. The next couple went, and started talking about how they’ve recently been struggling with coming to grips with their inability to have children the traditional way. Honestly, there was not a dry eye in the house! But here’s the thing: in the middle of listening, I started to think something horrible: that she was lucky she didn’t have to worry about her body changing. There are so many women, several of whom I am blessed to be friends with, who would change their bodies a million times over if only they could have children. Then I thought to myself that, sure, we’ll have kids…but only after I lose some weight. And that’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks that I really could not be more ridiculous about this.
Why ridiculous? As I’ve said before, I believe that every woman has a right to choose whether she wants to try to have children or not. There is no right or wrong answer to that, and it depends on each individul. I DO want to have children, but the ridiculous part comes with me saying that I want to wait to lose weight before starting to have kids. Not “I want to live healthfully and garner as many healthy habits as I can before having kids,” (which is what I should be focused on), but trying to lose weight before children? This is silly because it’s the perfect example of how my life has been dominated by my weight, my appearance, and my body issues. It’s silly to think that I can start living my life when I reach a certain weight or fit into a certain size. And it’s silly for anyone to think that their life will start when they get married, get skinny, have children, have the perfect job, the perfect salary, or whatever it is that is being idolized. I haven’t enjoyed spending time with people I love, haven’t taken risks that I need or want to take, and I haven’t lived my life to the fullest because of thoughts. I’ve been saving the way that I live so that when I get there I can be happy. My life started 26 years ago, and I have slowly wasted the time worrying about the way I look.
All of that flew threw my head yesterday morning while I was on stage at church in about 30 seconds. But I think the effects of that flow will last for much longer than that! I am vowing to myself to LIVE my life to the fullest, take chances on myself, and not put stuff off just because I think I need to be skinnier or make more money first. It’s going to be a process, but I’m starting my life NOW, and I don’t ever want to give it up to something ridiculous again!
How are you living? Is there something you’ve been putting off because of something silly? Are you ready to start LIVING?!?! 🙂
“Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved.” D.H. Lawrence
I am completely guilty of this way of thinking. I have thought for almost my entire life, that happiness has a clear, distinct starting point that I must first reach before actually being happy. At first I thought it would be when I graduated from college. Then I thought it would be when I got married. Then I KNEW it would be when I lost weight. As it turns out, I was happy the whole time, I just didn’t know it!
Oh my, I can so relate to this! I have wasted a lot of the last 27 years of my life worrying about the way I look. Why is it so hard to concentrate on how we FEEL? I want to feel good too, but what I look like seems to trump that all the time. I wish you well in your healthy living journey!
I actually have to get skinnier to be able to have babies. When I was losing weight with atkins I was worried about the gain that I’d have when I’d stop. Now I’m eating healthy. It takes a long time, but I think this is sustainable and something I can do forever. I just hope I’m able to get preggo after all of this!
Amen, sister! Currently I feel like I am waiting for the perfect job to come my way…but I don’t want to put life on hold in the meantime. Thanks for the reminder!
On a less serious note, I LOVE DD’s. I wish there was one closer to my house!
What a great post. Although I personally haven’t ever thought that about pregnancy, I am sure that a LOT of women are concerned about their weight and getting pregnant. And I think it IS normal to have mixed feelings about it. After all, it’s been “our body” our entire life, and all of a sudden we have to start using it to create someone else!
Beyond that, I think it’s a great point to bring up that we shouldn’t wait until we are thinner/richer/prettier/happier/nicer/etc to start living. We should be enjoying life everyday. And I LOVE the quote at the end of your post!
Heather, I couldn’t empathize with you more. I too have found myself thinking various forms of, “I’ll do this or that once I lose weight,” and I too have had fears about the changes that pregnancy and childbirth will cause in my body. As silly and ridiculous as the thoughts are, many of us have had them!
You are totally right that there is no reason to put off living life to the fullest. The fact is that none of us know how long our time here on Earth will be. I don’t want to waste it engulfed in food and weight obsessions. Yes, I want to be healthy, but that means physically AND mentally. Part of being healthy is embracing ALL that life has to offer, instead of missing it because I’m worried about my weight.
Thanks for a great post! 🙂
I used to have the same thoughts.. until I saw 15 of my friends get pregnant and give birth within 8 weeks… yup 15 babies in 8 wks.. I think that’s a record. I saw that my friends who ate very healthy and nutritious had no problem losing the weight and getting their old body back.. the ones who had fast food, fries, coke and 2 slices of cake (Because they are eating for two) didn’t lose the weight and are not struggling with it. I also noticed that the once that breast feed are having a hardtime keeping the weight on vs the ones that use formula
I have thought the same thing! And now that we are getting closer to having kids I am worried about losing the weight, when I should just not worry about it at all. Funny how somethings are hard to get out of our heads….
First off…LOVE blueberry bagels…my absolute favorite…my tummy is jealous of yours right now!:)
I think worrying about how your body will change post-pregnancy is a concern that every woman has. It doesn’t make you awful that you thought that…just normal. The important thing is that you know that if having children is important to you and Nate then you would make that a priority. 🙂
Heather, I can honestly say that EVERY woman feels this way about having a baby. We all worry about what it will do to our body. I was the same way before I got pregnant.
But I can tell you… there came a point that I was so ready to have a baby that I didn’t care what my body looked like… I just wanted to get pregnant. When you’re ready, nothing will matter more.
I usually put things off because of fear, or money- especially living in a different country after graduating, or traveling/volunteering/interning more before getting a “real” job… I really want to merge the two!
And I lurrrrrrrrrve power bagels!
That calzone looks SOOO GOOD. Man, I really want one now!!!
Why do you want to lose weight before having children? Is it to be in your best health before getting pregnant, or is it to look good?
I’m not sure what you weigh, but it’s much healthier for the baby if the mother is not overweight during pregnancy. In fact, pregnant women who are obese are often discouraged from gaining any weight during pregnancy.
The whole point is that it’s silly to think about making life decisions only after you reach a certain thing that you’re obsessed with. I have always had an unhealthy obsession with my weight. I am not overweight, let alone obese, but I have put a lot of things off and missed out on a lot of experiences because of this preoccupation with weight.
Thanks for the concern, and rest assured that my focus is my HEALTH and not my WEIGHT!
You are not alone in that thought my dear. I think the same thing…. I even say it out loud. I know it sounds bad, but the truth is that I want to be as healthy as possible before, during and after my pregnancy. I don’t want to be 200 pounds. As terrible as that may sound, it’s true. On the flip side, I’ve postponed a LOT of things in my life due to weight and have missed out.
What a powerful post. It’s true. I totally do it. I think that life is going to be great when I’m “skinny” again. WTF? Life is NO different when I’m “skinny” I still obsess. Bah. Thank you for writing this.
I have these thoughts all the time; you are not alone. I wish I had some hard and concrete answers for you but the only thing that helps me is reminding myself that this is my life and I have to do what I want NOW!
I too am guilty of those same thoughts. I have had body issues since my childhood. I have two sisters that have been the thorns in my side for years. They are the people who always had negative comments towards me (my mother wasn’t any better, but that’s another issue altogether) and it has held me back from doing a number of things in my life. Especially the baby issue. I am happily married five years now to a great guy that I’ve been with for 19 years (you read right, we’ve been together since we were 19) and never has he ever had a mean or negative thing to say, he really adores me. So, I too vow to sart life NOW and not wait for th “perfect time”, beacuse the time is now!! Keep up the awesome blog Heather it is trully inspirational, I never miss a day of reading.
You know, I bet you are going to get a TON of comments on this post from other women who have had those exact same thoughts– I’m battling with them right now myself! I think there’s just so much fear of how much your life will change after you have kids, and your body changing is definitely a part of that. I want to be as “in control” of that situation as I can be when I get pregnant…but it’s so silly to worry about it, or to put off trying to conceive because I want to see a certain number on the scale!
Whew! Obviously I have no answers here…but just know that you absolutely are not alone in your worries about this issue!
I just posted about this same thing last night. You should check it out. It is an amazing and liberating realization. I have been smiling about it ALL DAY : )
That calzone looks AMAAAAAZING 🙂 I’m also guilty of those sorts of thoughts and I think it definitely hinders me from living life to its fullest. In the past I’ve often avoided certain experiences and activities because of body image issues and thankfully I’ve gotten better about them. What a great inspirational post 🙂
Those sorts of thoughts flow through my mind constantly! Not so much the having children part, because I’m only 20 and I’m still in school, but body image issues. It’s something I’ve struggled with ever since junior high. Thanks for the chat – you’re post was very inspirational 🙂
I can’t lie – I have thought similar things before, like wondering about my body when I get pregnant. It is scary, but you are right – certainly not something we should think poorly of. And I am ready to start living!!!! 🙂