As we were sitting on the runway and preparing to leave, I thought about some other upcoming trips we have this year where I will be able to travel with Wes; how much fun and challenging it will be to travel with the 18-month version of the same baby we flew with last year. I know it may not be easy, but the thought of showing him new parts of this world we live in bring me such joy.
I sat there thinking about my sweet boy and what a precious gift he is. I took off the ring I always wear for Story, the one with the sapphire in it since September would have been the Story’s birth month. Sometimes I wonder if I should have decided on an amethyst since that’s when Story was born into heaven, but my baby is whole and healthy and running with Jesus now, the way he/she would have been and more so than if he/she had been born in September. I don’t want to wear a reminder of the day that I lost Story; I want to wear a reminder of the way he/she will be for all eternity.
I play with this ring constantly, a little nervous tick that I have when I’m thinking. Suddenly it dawned on me; YES, I may miss getting to snuggle sweet Weston tonight. But in these few hours in the air, I’m that much closer to my little Story. And you guys? That small thought brings me so much joy!
I have been inexplicably blessed in so many ways that I could never ever earn. It breaks my heart that I lost our first sweet baby and I get so incredibly sad sometimes when I think about the little life that was so fleeting here. But in this little moment, soaring over puffy white clouds and thousands of feet above the earth, it’s like I’m able to feel Story in my heart again. How blessed am I?!
So thankful that you guys are here and reading these words! I love you all dearly 🙂