The other night I went to prenatal yoga, as I typically do in the middle of the week, and rolled out my mat. I gathered the blocks, bolster, and strap that I normally need. Drank some water, went to the bathroom, and settled in for class. As I looked around I noticed that everyone there seemed…well…extra yoga-y that night. You know (and please don’t think I’m saying this is a bad thing – it’s not!), meditating before class, speaking in very smooth and low voices, chatting about their practice and their specially dedicated yoga rooms. It was really great to hear some other perspectives, but as we went around the room sharing our pregnancy experiences I couldn’t help but notice the distinct difference between women who are 0-30 weeks and those of us who are 30+ weeks along.
You know what that difference was? It suddenly became not all about the birth. Our minds and our experiences seemed to have grown from, “I want to have (natural, home, midwife/doula, C-section, petocin, scheduled, etc) kind of birth” to “I just can’t wait to meet the baby and be a mom.”
And me? I never thought that I would feel that difference, but the reality is that I do – I want to have the most natural birth I can, but my priority has shifted from vehemently saying to everyone in the world that I don’t want a medicated birth to the fact that I just want our little boy to get here safely and to be resting in our arms. It’s shifted from worrying about the pain of labor and childbirth to tears of joy when I think about Nate holding him. My mind goes not to how many centimeters I have to dilate before going to the hospital, but to how we’re going to raise our little boy, how we’re going to introduce him to the dogs, to breastfeeding and making sure we can take care of him.
I never saw this transition happen, but I’m so glad that it has. I still want a non-medicated birth. I still want to feel everything about delivering our little guy into this world. I want to work hard, deal with the transition, and be completely present (physically and mentally) during his birth. But now? Now it’s so much more about being the mommy to him that he deserves – it’s about all of life now. And for that I am so, so thankful.