I doubt it’s a secret – many of you long-time amazing readers know me well enough to know that when I fall silent (even silent-ish) there’s usually something going on behind the scenes. Anything from death to pregnancy to birth has caused me to fall behind in my recipe-making, photography, and ability to share as much as I normally do, and honestly? It’s so hard for me to stop. To give in to the things that happen in life and relinquish control of even this one thing that I DO have control over – my blog.
The truth is that lately I’ve just been feeling uninspired. Food bloggers, we do so much creating and hard work that goes unnoticed, and sometimes? Sometimes I just want to eat the same thing every day for a week and ignore my camera completely. It’s a season, to be sure, but one that I’ve been having a hard time accepting. This is in no way a complaint, but so much of my day is filled with the care of two precious boys and my amazing husband; at the end of it all it’s all I can do to pour my body into bed and gear up to do it again the next day. We do so much adventuring, my boys and I, and I wouldn’t change it for the world; however, the lack of inspiration in my job is starting to wear on me. I feel invisible, a slave to dirty diapers and temper tantrums.
I don’t believe that it’s any surprise that five things have come across my computer and phone screens over the past week that have made me really dig deep and think about what I do.
- This article on parenthood being the enemy of creativity. It was hard to read because I saw so much of me in there – the selfishness, the frustration, the desire to find a way to make it work in my favor to do all of the things I want to do. There’s nothing wrong with being called to do something; there’s something wrong with trying to force things to happen that just aren’t ready to happen. Parenting, even in the midst of all the crazy and exhaustion, is my number one priority. Seeing some of my least favorite parts of me on a screen was a reality check.
- This post from Ann Voskamp on making a home. I shared it on Friday’s links, but have really been marinating in these words: “So she made soup and matched socks. She scrubbed out the tub. She awoke: One always gets to decide what is mindless work and what is soulful work. She would decide. She decided for art, to make her life art. She would make it all art — it all would be art, worship, a gift back. It all would preach Gospel.” What does that mean for me? It means that I can choose to make art of the way I parent and the way I balance time. I can see the ebb and flow of creativity art in and of itself. I can choose to make beautiful things and beautiful experiences and see the beauty in the hard and the light. God gave it all to me; he set it all out in the open. Now the choice is mine.
- This talk by Shauna Niequist on what her mother taught her. I loved what she said about halfway through about getting creative in the logistics. Not forceful, not domineering – creative. Another chance to make life a little more interesting and bring the kids along for the ride.
- This project by my friend Paige. She has such a heart for creative mothers (and a great podcast too) and I loved how she challenged herself to do something creative and then turned around to use it for good. Another reminder that it’s not all about me, but that by digging deep and doing the hard work we can create infinitely more beauty.
- A text from a sweet friend who was basically talking me off of a ledge. We’re both food bloggers, and she said that she chooses to see what we do as art. It was just a great reminder that even though I see the ordinary in what I do, there’s art to it. It’s fully creative, fully beautiful, and fully used by God to do Kingdom work.
So where does that leave me? Well, honestly, still in the middle of figuring it all out. More than anything I want any of you amazing creative moms out there to know that the struggle is real, it happens with all of us, and that even the struggle is beautiful – if you choose to see it. I know that’s what I’m trying to do 🙂