• Home
  • About
    • This IS My Real Job
    • 5 Things I’ve Learned…
  • Beautycounter
    • Become a Beautycounter Consultant: FAQs
  • Contact
  • Recipe Index
  • Travel
  • Amazon Lists
  • Instagram
  • Fitness
    • Bloglovin
    • Facebook
    • Google+
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • RSS
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Heather's Dish

Heather's Dish

Life Would Be a Dream

Share
Pin
Tweet
0 Shares

Living life after miscarriage || Story's Song || HeathersDish.com

It was the dead of winter, another ridiculous amount of snow on the ground and an air temperature that wouldn’t get above freezing for at least a few more weeks.  I was stuck in a dead-end (for me) job where I loved the people I worked with, but hated the day-to-day mundane tasks.  I was already sick from first trimester sickness, but felt worse than that.  I knew something was wrong, and so shortly after arriving at work that morning I left to go home where I ended up spending all day in a hot bathtub just to try to stay warm.

I was sick.  Sick with the flu and sick with worry about the health of my sweet baby.  The only thing that took my mind off of the sick was sleeping and listening to music.  I would set my Pandora to Glee radio and drift in and out of sleep, but inevitably always woke up to “Sh-boom” by The Crew Cuts.  I don’t know why or how it happened, but every time I woke up and heard that song I couldn’t help but feel a little sunnier and happier.  I remember rubbing my belly, wondering why it wasn’t growing yet, but hopeful and happy to share that song with my baby.

Two weeks later Story left us to go live with Jesus, and I unintentionally never heard “Sh-boom” again.  Until yesterday.

I tend to get in a rut with my music, and lately have been obsessed with all things country.  However, I just couldn’t find any song that I really wanted to listen to, and so I set my Pandora station to Glee radio again and suddenly my head was filled with that familiar song.  I broke down, right here in the middle of our office, hunched over the keyboard and letting the tears just fall.

In the middle of the tears and the sadness Weston saw me from across the room and toddled over, touched my knees and lifted his arms for me to pull him up.  I sat him in my lap and cried, and my normally wiggly little boy just sat and let me cry and hug him.

If Story had survived I wouldn’t have Weston here to completely light up our lives with his mischievous smile and incredibly tender heart.  While I can never say I’m glad that we didn’t get to meet our first baby, I do know that God knows exactly what we need and when we need it.  I still mourn the loss of that first sweet child, but I don’t think I could ever express just how much I love and am blessed by Weston.  I am so thankful for him, for the chance to be his mother, for the chance to love him with everything I have and then some.

In “Sh-boom” there’s a line that says, “Life could be a dream, if only all my precious plans would come true,” and I’m reminded yet again that my plans aren’t the ones that matter.  Only this time I’m seeing that life is already a dream even when those plans fail because every failed dream has led to a deeper relationship with Christ and, out of that, a renewed and deeper love for those around me.  Story, I miss you dearly, but I am so thankful for your brother.  And since I’m sure you two hung out in heaven before he came here, I think you know why.  One day we’ll all be together, praising the Lord for all he is and all he’s done.  And until then I’ll be praising the Lord because I had the chance to know you for that brief time we spent together.  Your life inside of me made me a mother for the first time, and the love I have for you will continue to overflow onto all of your brothers and sisters.

Jesus, thank you for Story.  Thank you for Weston.  Thank you for children, for these incredible blessings, for the tender hearts and the wide eyes, for the mischief and the LIFE.  And thank you for knowing what we need even when we (I) hate when it’s not exactly what I want.  Thank you for the plans you have for us, and I just pray that I would be open to them knowing that you always want the best for me.  Amen.

Share
Pin
Tweet
0 Shares


16 Comments

Subscribe for the latest.

« Ancho Marinated Steak and Ancho Chile Steak Sauce
Healthier Pumpkin Spice Muffins »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You have to agree to the comment policy.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Comments

  1. Debby says

    June 1, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Thanks for your awesome faith! Love, Mom

    Reply
    • Heather says

      June 2, 2013 at 7:18 am

      You & Daddy are a big reason I have it 🙂 Love you Mom!

      Reply
  2. Kristi says

    May 31, 2013 at 5:59 am

    I lost a baby when I was pregnant at the young age of 18. I say she, but I didn’t even know if my baby was a boy or girl. She would be 14 now. I still think about her. I still look at pictures of the time where I was pregnant. I still remember the feeling, but as you I have a wonderful 11 year old daughter, and I don’t know where my life would be if I had my baby 14 years ago. It’s okay to mourn the loss of your baby, and to cry when you need to. God does work in mysterious ways, and I have all the faith that whatever was meant to have happened, happened for his reason and has brought me to where I am today.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      May 31, 2013 at 9:44 am

      So true Kristi – thank you for sharing your story here too!

      Reply
  3. Monica says

    May 30, 2013 at 8:59 pm

    Thank you Heather! That was so sweet. I’ve been there too, and it was before all FOUR of my boys! I used to dream that I had a girl before I miscarried, so the boys think they’ll be meeting a big sister in heaven! 🙂
    Beautiful post. Aloha

    Reply
  4. Stephie @ Eat your Heart Out says

    May 30, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    Oh, Heather. I’m sitting here sobbing. That was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your heart (and your Story) with us. God has and will continue to bless you, his faithful daughter, abundantly. xoxo.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      May 31, 2013 at 9:42 am

      Now you made me cry 🙂 Although admittedly it’s not hard to do that!

      Reply
  5. Lindsey (Lou Lou Biscuit) says

    May 30, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    This is really beautiful. I’m so glad that God can move us forward and help us to become stronger through hardship. He turns our mourning into dancing!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      May 31, 2013 at 9:41 am

      So very true – I’m so thankful He redeems even the worst times of our lives!

      Reply
  6. tammy c. says

    May 30, 2013 at 10:19 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss of your first child. Thank God for Weston. Hope you have a wonderful long life with your mom and dad.

    Reply
  7. Kate says

    May 30, 2013 at 7:57 am

    Oh, this made me cry. I cannot imagine the hurt you’ve experienced, yet look at what an amazing journey you are traveling. I’m 15 weeks along with my first, and of course the fear & worry are there. Thank you for the sweet encouragement that all is in God’s hands. Story and Weston are so lucky to have you as their mom!

    Reply
    • Heather says

      May 30, 2013 at 9:10 am

      Thank you so much for your sweet words Kate! I know the worry will never go away, but I figure that’s just part of being a mommy in the first place 🙂

      Reply
  8. Kelly says

    May 30, 2013 at 7:02 am

    That’s so sweet Heather. I will admit I am not completely there yet. But I get closer to finding peace with the past daily as this baby grows inside me. I am still a nervous wreck but I am trying to find balance between happiness and worry. I hope one day to hold my baby in my arms and realize that everything that happened up to that point was for a good reason and worth it. I have no doubt I will feel that way one day but I just am not there today. 😉 I really look up to you and admire your strength. Hugs.

    Reply
    • Heather says

      May 30, 2013 at 9:09 am

      I 100% understand Kelly. I don’t know if I’ll ever just be OK with losing Story, but that love and loss is what led me to be a better mother for Weston; I could never be anything but thankful for that 🙂 Praying for you girl!

      Reply
    • Monica says

      May 30, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      I just wanted to jump in and encourage you Kelly…I had a miscarriage first, and then four healthy boys. honestly, I always carried a bit of that anxiety throughout the pregnancies, and I am sure that is normal. Just do your best to keep the faith, and I’m sure you’ll do great. (Sorry, i don’t know your story so I’m not wanting to assume anything–but I hope you don’t mind my comment :))

      Reply
      • Heather says

        May 31, 2013 at 9:43 am

        Girl, of COURSE I don’t mind your comment! I love seeing encouraging stories like yours, and I know that you’ll have encouraged the heck out of someone else with it too 🙂

        Reply

Subscribe



Featured on BlogHer.com




Instagram

For my @fasterwaytofatloss friends, here’s an AM For my @fasterwaytofatloss friends, here’s an AMAZING low-carb day dish: roasted cauliflower with smoked paprika and almonds! It’s so simple to make, incredibly flavorful, and pairs really well with truly any protein. Enjoy!

ROASTED CAULIFLOWER WITH SMOKED PAPRIKA AND ALMONDS
* 1 head cauliflower, cut into small florets
* 2 Tbsp olive oil
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 tsp smoked paprika
* 1/2 tsp garlic powder
* 1/2 tsp pepper
* 1/3 cup slivered raw almonds
1. Preheat oven to 375.
2. Spread the cauliflower florets onto a large baking sheet and drizzle with olive oil.
3. Sprinkle evenly with salt, pepper, paprika and garlic powder, then toss to evenly coat it all.
4. Roast at 375 for 25 minutes, tossing halfway through.
5. When there are 3 minutes left, open the oven and sprinkle the almonds on top.
6. Roast for another 3-4 minutes until the almonds are just lightly toasted, then remove and serve immediately.
Captain’s log: Going on day 174 (give or take) o Captain’s log: Going on day 174 (give or take) of being iced in, virtual schooling, working full time, creating snow day memories, working out, eating healthfully, and trying to remember to wash my face (spoiler: today I did not wash my face. Yet). Getting me through: significantly lower expectations, coffee, and drinking smoothies by the fireplace. If there’s a silver lining in the quarantines from last year it’s that I know now that I can handle much more chaos than I thought I could 🤪
A little #howitstartedvshowitsgoing situation with A little #howitstartedvshowitsgoing situation with my avocado plant! Swipe to see this little guy as a teeny sprout 🌱 

I remember when I wasn’t sure it would sprout at all, and then one day the seed split and there it was! We also hit a point November-January where there was zero growth and I wondered again if it was a waste of time.

Now there are new leaves, new height, and (most importantly) stronger roots, all because of a little patience and care (it’s a metaphor y’all 😆). I find myself excited about the next season where it will be planted in dirt, which will offer new challenges - and growth- of its own. What a blessing to learn such deep lessons from a humble seed!

God, thank you for the little things that show us how much the little things matter. Amen.
Why am I looking away? Simple: because it was the Why am I looking away?

Simple: because it was the best photo out of a billion that I took of myself 🤣 Sometimes it all works, today it didn’t. 

Wanna know what DOES work though? This amazing new deodorant! The biggest question I get about cleaner products is always about which is the best natural deodorant. Friends, I’ve found some decent ones in the past, but this one takes the cake!

And, because I know I’ll get asked, my favorite scents are in this order: Fresh Coconut, Soft Lavender, Clean Rose. The coconut smells like a vacation, and couldn’t we all use a vacay right now? 🏖 Link in the ol’ profile to shop!
🙋🏼‍♀️ Hi, my name is Heather and I str 🙋🏼‍♀️ Hi, my name is Heather and I struggle getting enough protein into my diet. Who else can relate?!

One of my physical health goals this year is to gain lean muscle and get stronger, which means that I need to be getting enough protein in on a daily basis. For me a great source of lean protein is chicken breasts, but if they don’t taste great I’m not having it! So, if this is you, I have a solution for you: BRINE YOUR CHICKEN BREASTS! 

Here’s my fail-proof brine recipe for perfectly flavorful chicken breasts. Cook ‘em however you want - just make sure you brine them first! The difference is enormously worth it!

Recipe is for about 4-6 chicken breasts:
•3 tablespoons kosher salt
•3 tablespoons honey
•2 cups lukewarm water
•2 cups cold water

In a large saucepan bring the first 3 ingredients to a simmer. Remove and stir until the salt is dissolved, then pour in the cold water. IT MUST BE COLD - otherwise the brine will start to cook the chicken breasts! When the mixture is lukewarm, add the chicken breasts, making sure they’re covered in the brine. Cover and refrigerate for 1-6 hours (I recommend 6 if you can). When they’re finished, remove from the brine, rinse, pat dry and cook as desired!
🏃🏼‍♀️Who else is struggling with findi 🏃🏼‍♀️Who else is struggling with finding cardio equipment for their home gym on a budget?

I love running, walking and hiking, but weather, childcare, and a certain global pandemic make consistently getting out to do those kinda difficult. I’ve always enjoyed my #homegym, but quality cardio equipment is expensive! 

So what’s a girl to do?

This past fall I randomly decided to look at steppers, and found this @sunnyhealthfitness one on @walmart for $50! I just wanted something that I could use for 20-30 minutes 4-ish days a week, and it’s been an amazing fit. Would I like a Peloton? Duh, of course. But this has worked so well with the budget and space we have!

What’s your biggest struggle in curating a home gym?
A blurry pickup line photo to tell you I can’t r A blurry pickup line photo to tell you I can’t recommend seeing a counselor or therapist enough. I was weird about it first, felt like my problems weren’t big or messy enough to warrant professional help. And when I did start seeing my counselor I was awkward (this shouldn’t be a surprise). But here we are 4 months later and I’m seeing some incredible life-giving movement. God is so good, and I’m so thankful for friends who normalized counseling and therapy for me!
So. It’s been a while since I posted on the feed So. It’s been a while since I posted on the feed (or really in my stories too). Truthfully I’m still heavily processing the last 2 months, which were preceded by 10 other hard months. Life is brutal and beautiful and next-level hard and a joy, all swirled together. I won’t pretend that everything is OK; it’s not. I’m not.
.
BUT GOD.
.
This past weekend I had a moment of complete clarity and joy and the knowledge that I will be OK. And for that only-God moment I’m so thankful. For all of you who have been praying for our family, who have offered the sweetest words and condolences, who have truly been there, waiting and wading with me through the hard - thank you. God is still good. He is still on his throne. And I am so unwaveringly thankful for that!❤️
Just a couple quick reminders: ⭐️ healthy doe Just a couple quick reminders:

⭐️ healthy doesn’t have to be hard
⭐️ you’re allowed to “mess up”
⭐️ you’re allowed to be multidimensional
⭐️ don’t overcomplicate it 
⭐️ YOU ARE CAPABLE 

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head these days, and half the time I don’t know which way is up. But I do know this: focusing on simplicity is the name of the game this year for me. It starts with the things I can control: my food intake, moving my body, my thoughts, my actions. The rest will stem from there!

Does anyone even do a word of the year anymore after 2020? If you do I’d love to see you share it below!
Follow @HeathersDish
POPSUGAR Select PLUS

You might also like…

Blog Love: Chicken Tortilla Chip Casserole

Lovely links with @heathersdish

Lovely Links

Buffalo Chicken Meatball Subs

Red Velvet Baked Donuts

There's no such thing as a good time to start - blogging, business, starting a family, all of it. There will always be reasons not to...but they pale in comparisons to the reasons why you should! @heathersdish

There’s No Such Thing as a Good Time to Start

Copyright © 2021 · Heather Disarro · All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2021 · Heather's Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in