Halfway through the week (boom!), halfway through the week (cha!) I’m so glad we’re halfway through I even made a little song for ya 🙂
Lunch today was basically the exact same thing as yesterday: some Bob’s Red Mill Vegi Soup…
A handful of carrots, and a slice of wheat bread with turkey, provolone, and bbq sauce:
I just wanted to give a quick recap of the eats so I can move on to the meat of this post!
Anyone know this song?
It’s definitely been stuck in my head all day, and as I wandered what I should talk about in this afternoon’s post, I kept getting sidetracked by the lyrics to this song! I’m not someone who typically believes in signs, but I figured I might as well use it as inspiration!
A few months ago I did a guest post on Then Heather Said about how health is more than just eating well and working out; it encompasses things like relationships as well. I’ve copied, pasted, and edited some of the content from that post to go in this one, but I’d encourage you to read the original one as well as just checking out her blog! We all know that our relationships or lack thereof can be determining factors in our moods, eating and exercise habits, concentration, and ability to sleep. Therefore I thought I’d talk about how being married to my amazing husband has truly helped me to work on the first steps in learning to love myself.
I am extremely blessed in the fact that I married the man of my dreams at a young age (I was 23)! Throughout my weight gain AND my weight loss, Nate has told me I’m beautiful and treated me as though I’m beautiful every step of the way. He always did before, but the difference is that I now believe in myself as well. I can’t lie and say that there aren’t days that I don’t participate in internal fat talk; I did that yesterday and the day before. But it’s been lessened from me learning to love myself the way my husband loves me!
Now, this post isn’t meant to say that loving yourself only comes from being in love with someone else. In fact, it’s the opposite. I came into loving myself a little late in the game, and there have been times that my marriage has struggled because of it. I want to encourage anyone who’s NOT married to understand that loving yourself will not only make you happier, but it will improve every relationship as well. Your life doesn’t start when you find someone to love.
My best friend, other than my husband, is my sister Salah.
As she mentioned in her most recent post on her blog, she recently went through a bad breakup with her boyfriend of 8 months. When I talked to her on Saturday night after it happened, one of the things she was most upset about is that she’s 22 and not close to getting married yet. I also have several friends who are not married yet and are not excited about that fact. My sister has been playing collegiate volleyball for the past 4 years and has barely had time to breathe, let alone date. The only one who put the expectation of being in a serious relationship was herself. She’s been one of my biggest supporters in my weight loss battle, but I was thankful I could be a good friend and a good big sister when I reminded her that just like we can’t compare our bodies to other womens’ bodies, we can’t compare our relationships with other womens’ relationships.
Yes, I was fortunate to marry early, but I didn’t know how to love myself first or love Nate well beforehand, and our marriage suffered because of it. In fact, three years in I’d say we’re still working on healing from the damage I caused because of my own selfish isolation with my disordered thoughts. It’s significantly better, but I just wonder: what would have or could have happened if I’d taken the time to love myself?
So to finally bring this full-circle, if you’re single and wondering if you’ll ever meet that guy, get married, have children, and never be alone again, just know that you haven’t met him yet. BUT you know YOU, and have the ability to work on your relationship with yourself. Start loving yourself now so that when you meet that person you can cut through the bull and love them wholeheartedly! The reality is you likely have amazing friends and family who want to be there for you; LET THEM! Be encouraged by this online community of food and health bloggers! The key is to know that you’re not alone, and you DESERVE to live a happy and healthy life. There is hope for all of us, married or single, to live a life of love.
Darryn says
Great post, Heather. I loved it – every word.
So many women need to hear this message. <3
pen says
Aw, Heather. I also feel like there is no time like the present to de-lurk. I’ve been reading you for quite a while, but haven’t commented. I’m a mid twenty something and I’ve been single forever. I’m watching all of my friends get married, and I was starting to worry that I would never get married and be alone forever…and this post is exactly what I needed.
I’m still working on loving myself. I’ve got to get to that point first 🙂 and I’m getting there!
Thanks for the healthy reminder!
Tina says
I got married at 23 as well. 🙂 I’ve done everything early, which is crazy because right before meeting my husband I was vowing I would never get married or have kids and had no desire too. Quickly changes when you meet the right person. But that’s besides the point. I love your message here. You have to love yourself. It helps to have support of others, but you don’t have to have a significant other to get that support. We all need to lift each other up for the beautiful people we are and recognize our own wonderfulness as well. I loved reading this!
Sarena (The Non Dairy Queen) says
What a great post! Wow, I could not relate more! I got married at 20 and met my husband when I was 19…here we are 16 years later and happier than ever. Not to say we have not had our ups and downs. We have grown up together and we have changed along the way. The hard times were definitely based on our own personal changes wether it was weight, health, emotions…you name it, we have been through it. It is so great for you to actually write about it for others to feel not so alone. The relationship with yourself is really the MOST important one. It will help guide you through life…good or bad.
Anne @ Food Loving Polar Bear says
You look gorgeous in your wedding picture!!
What a wonderful post, made me think a lot about my past 🙂
Lindsay @ The Ketchup Diaries says
This is a fantastic post, Heather, and I’m so glad you have learned all of these insighful and powerful things about yourself. I’m glad you love you! It’s so important. And, just to add to this, I just want to let anyone reading this know that I’m from Massachusetts and getting married around age 22 is SO YOUNG here (In fact, it’s almost unheard of and when people do, most of us assume they’ll end up divorced. I apologize for my blutness, but it’s true). I’m 27 and unmarried and it doesn’t bother me a bit!! In fact, I’m the only one of my friends in a long-term realtionship, which is completely normal for here! I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I know different parts of the country marry much earlier than us New Englanders, but when you step back and think about how YOUNG 22 is, there is no need to be sad or nervous 🙂 I’m a firm believer that your 20’s should be FOR YOU. You should learn to know and love yourself during this time, so no use sweating over if/when Prince Charming will come along!!
Salah says
I love you 🙂 best big sister ever
nutritious foodie says
Great post Heather!
Love your wedding photo and your wedding dress.. you are one beautiful lady 🙂
I also love your sister’s name, what does it mean and what’s it origin?
As far as loving yourself… I so agree with you. Life is crazy and too short and the first step to making everyday more enjoyable and make your relationships more meaningful is to respect yourself and love yourself.
Your sister has plenty of time to get married. You never know when you meet the perfect man, age shouldn’t be the gauge. I got married when I was 27 and when I look back it was the right age for me. My mother-in-law got married when she was 18 and my in-laws have a great marriage, but when I think about me at 18, holy moly… 27 was the right age for me… 🙂
eatspinlive says
GREAT post girl 🙂 I absolutely LOVED it! I am very blessed to be in a wonderful relationship at the moment, but I really think that it happened at just the right time two years ago. I knew exactly who I was and who I wanted to be and I think that we really have to know ourselves in order to honestly be with someone else. I loved reading!
Kelly says
Great post Heather! I think sometimes women value their self worth based on a relationship. It is so good to see a postivie message about how you are okay as you are! 🙂
Heather says
Great post. I didn’t know Salah was your sister! How cool. I check out her blog once in a while, too 🙂
Christie {Honoring Health} says
I just want to let the ladies out there know that not getting married when you are young can actually be a good thing, it gives you plenty of time to find out who you truly are first. I married very young and ended up getting a divorce and thought I was going to be a old maid forever as a result and that is the farthest from the truth. I didn’t get married again until I was 31 and am so glad that I waited to really find the right person.
I’m not saying that getting married young is bad, I’m just saying that not getting married young isn’t the end of the world either. Finding the right one is worth the wait.
Jackie (Peaces of Earth) says
I really love this. I so agree that health involves way more than food. Relationships, especially the one with ourselves, offer a very important form of nourishment. I also agree that when we love ourselves wholeheartedly our relationships are much deeper and more sincere. Let’s love and accept ourselves NOW, we are perfect as we are…life is too short to think otherwise!! Thank you for this! 🙂
Lawyer Loves Lunch says
This post is beautifully written. It made me feel warm and fuzzy 🙂
Megan @ The Oatmeal Diaries says
Amazing post! That wedding picture gave me chills. So beautiful 🙂
midgetkeeper says
Love this post so much Heather, it’s so very true.
theprocessofhealing says
Awwww how much do I LOVE this post?! I am 22 and it feels like ALL of my friends from high school and college are married, engaged, or having kids and here I am… single!! I was in a long term relationship for 4 years and I always thought I’d marry him but ever since things ended last summer, I’ve accepted that sometimes things don’t work out like you plan. But you know, the Lord knows better than we do. He has his own perfect timing. In the meantime, I’m OK being single for the most part. I’ve used this time to learn to love myself and really FIND myself, if that makes any sense. I recently met someone and even though we aren’t “together” yet, he’s like everything I’ve always wanted but never knew I wanted. And even if things don’t work out with him, I know that there is SOMEONE out there somewhere for me and I will meet him when the time is right!
But you are so very right, you can’t fully love someone else until you truly love yourself!
Erin says
Couldn’t have said it better.
It took me a long time to realize that loving myself and my body was a process of healing between God and I- and that I needed to be able to see myself as his creation before I could fully and completely love others.
It’s a process I’m still working on- but goodness it’s worth every step!
rainbwsnkittns says
Such an insightful post! I’m not married yet, but I’ve been with the same wonderful man for 6 years now. Since I was 21. I admire couples who get married very young and have happy relationships. I knew that I would have to really get to know myself before I could take that step and I am still working on it. We’re not in any rush to get married, but our relationship has definitely gotten stronger as we have both grown as people and as partners. For those of you who are single, take your time and enjoy the journey. It’s a beautiful one.
Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday says
Aww, what a nice wedding picture!
tasha - the clean eating mama says
AAAwwwww I love you, Heather! This is such a heart felt post… kinda makes me tear up a bit, too!
I believe you can never truly love someone if you don’t love yourself first. But you know when you do find that special person and he/she makes you feel amazing just the way you are!
liane says
This is such a fantastic post. It just seriously makes me upset that people think that if they just lost weight/met a guy/whatever is not the cure-all to the emotional issues are going on within yourself. You have to know and love yourself first.
Ahem, I’ll just step off my soap box right this second, and I’m going to pass along this post to some people who need this reminder….
Ilana says
No time like the present to de-lurk! I truly thank you for posting this. I’m turning 23 in a few months, and my boyfriend and I have been in a very serious relationship that I believe is going to lead to marriage in the near future. I didn’t think I would be married this young … but when I realized our relationship was headed that way I realized that there were so many behaviors I engaged in that I needed to erase before I could ever be able to become life partners with him – he even told me that once, and it was a real wake-up call to me. Before I met him, I was in a very mentally damaging relationship and it took me a long time to let go of a lot of what happened during that time. I don’t even know if he knows how important that talk we had was to me…how much it really helped change me and get me to where I am now.
theprocessofhealing says
I am so happy for you! I was in a similar relationship that was mentally abusive and I’m still working on getting past it and overcoming it. It’s so wonderful that you found someone who will stick by you and help you do that!
hundredtenpounds says
What a good post! Too many times I thought “When I lose weight I’ll be happy” or “When I’m skinny I love myself”. It was a rocky journey but I figured out i need to just love myself the way I am no matter what the scale says.
Anna says
Awww…this is such a wise post! I feel the same way– I’m lucky to have met my husband young (we started dating when I was 23, married when I was 26), and I know some of my friends are feeling a little nervous, just at age 27, being not married yet. Still, there are disadvantages too– I get nostalgic about single life sometimes! All the fun first dates, the first kisses, the thrill of having a crush! I wouldn’t trade my married life for anything…but I definitely still have “grass is always greener” moments. Your sis should LIVE it up while she’s still single, because those can be some of the most fun years of her life!
thenheathersaid says
🙂 thanks for the shout out!!!
your friend Salah should also read my blog 😉 as i am clearly not married, getting older, and dealing with the healing of the broken engagement. 😉 xoxo
LOVE YOU, HEATHER!
i love that you are willing to share yourself with your readers, and I love that you are willing to question yourself honestly to continue to grow and learn and challenge yourself to become the very best version of yourself 🙂 you are awesome.