Five

5 years ago today I started the biggest adventure I’ve yet to have on this earth: motherhood. My baby is 5. And I just cannot stop the tears from flowing.

 

How did God so perfectly create this amazing little boy with the biggest heart who would steal mine? How did he get so much blue into one pair of sweet little eyes? How did he replicate my husband’s dimples so perfectly, and pair them with the most adorable little smile? I think he knew the mischief this one would get into and knew I wouldn’t be able to resist that smile. It was God’s way of forcing grace into this mama’s heart.

 

Do you think God knew just how this little boy’s quirks would fit so perfectly into our family? That his personality would bring out the best and the worst and that every second, regardless of circumstances, we would love him even more? I think God knew and crafted it this way, knowing that it would be but a snapshot of His love for all of us.

 

I wonder if the good King knew how many times I would yell and hurt and have to turn around and apologize, only to receive grace upon grace upon grace from this extraordinarily wise and kind little boy. I wonder if He knew how much my heart would grow for him, too. I wonder if God knew how many nights I’d spend looking at pictures and videos of my son, aching for a few more minutes with him.

 

Motherhood is incredible. It’s the catalyst behind almost everything I do, the thing that makes me the most proud and the most humble. It shows me how much God must love us, and it shows me how broken and sinful I am. Motherhood has brought every emotion into my life. It is sacred and holy and beautiful.

 

Five years ago today I heard the first cries of my firstborn. They were right – it really does feel like yesterday.

 

Today I see a little man, a perfectly created and amazing boy whose very life makes me say, “THANK YOU” to the Creator every night. I am blessed beyond measure to be his mother. And for the record if you need me I’ll be eating my emotions for the rest of the day.

 

W, happy birthday my beautiful boy. There are three things that I need you to know, and they are the three things I say to you every night: I love you, I am proud of you, and I am thankful for you. You are an incredible blessing, and I know that one day you will be a fierce warrior for Christ. I am so very grateful that I get to be your mother!