Hi guys! Once again, I can’t believe the weekend is just about over! If only I had a permanent weekend…wouldn’t the world be grand if that was the case? 🙂
Sunday was definitely a good day…I basically had my tail handed to me (in a good way) at church this morning, which I’ll talk about later in connection with the blog. After church we went to Baker Street Pub for lunch with friends, where I started off with a Deschuttes Black Butte porter:
And Nate and I split a House of Parliament burger, which had smoked Gouda, steak sauce, mushrooms, onion straws, and the standard lettuce/tomato/onion combo. They were nice enough to split the entire portion, including fries for us!
As I said before, at church this morning I was really convicted in many things, but there are a couple of things that I felt I needed to share with my readers as I continue on this journey of self-discovery in living life and blogging. And before I begin I just want to ask your forgiveness for being selfish in my writing.
For a while now I’ve been more concerned about my statistics on this blog than the writing. There have been times that I have tried to write to GAIN followers rather than being true to myself, to my beliefs, my struggles, my thoughts, and my actions. I’ve tried to be politically correct because the second you say something someone doesn’t agree with, you lose readers. And for that I am truly sorry.
I have been trying to lose weight to LOOK a certain way, to fit in with the “healthy blogger” culture, and not for improving my own health, happiness, and honoring God with my body. I want more than ever to get away from trying to write about my weight loss; in fact, I feel that by writing about it I become more and more obsessed with it. I also have not been eating and exercising in a way that is honoring to my body, and as such have become unnecessarily obsessed with the way I perform in that. I want to be cognizantly thankful for the ability to eat good food, drink good drinks, and move in a way that is enjoyable and GOOD for me rather than try to run a marathon just because every “big” blogger runs one.
And on that note, I still honestly want my blog to be a platform for my writing, but I have been trying to do things to increase the popularity of it and the numbers on my own accord. I believe that we all have a purpose in life, and I still don’t know what mine is, but I DO know that I’ve been trying to do this on my own rather than letting God speak through my writing. All I know is that if I have encouraged ONE WOMAN to be the person she was made to be in Christ, then this has all been worth it. Do I want my numbers to be greater? YES. Do I want to be propelled forward into the world of big bloggers and their fabulous blog-business trips, be able to quit my day job, get a book deal, and work from home? HECK YES. But it does not define me, and if that never happens I can rest knowing that there is something even bigger for me.
So where does this leave me now? To be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that I believe in the plan that God has for my life, and I’m thankful for the comfort in that. I hope that you guys will forgive me for being more concerned about a number on a website than the number of lives that are changed for the better through this. I still plan on being the normal, goofy, kind of off-kilter Heather that you guys all know and HOPEFULLY love…but I’m not going to hold things back and try to re-word my thoughts to make them more palatable or to reach a certain statistical number.
I love being here in my little corner of the internet, and I love all of you…not because you’re reading this and affirming my self-worth through being a number (because you’re not, even though I was letting you for a while). I love you for the beautiful, strong, incredibly gifted and amazing woman (or man) you are! Will you please forgive me?