Hello friends! So first off I want to say WELCOME to the new The Dish page. This is where I’m going to be recording my random thoughts about pregnancy and motherhood, photography, and just life in general. A big thanks to Julie from Savvy Julie for her awesome work on making this page possible…thanks Julie! If y’all have any blogging needs I highly recommend working with her 🙂
Today I feel the need to share some random thoughts with you guys about pregnancy. I have to say it’s been a HUGE whirlwind of emotions and facing the reality that we’re more than halfway there. MORE THAN HALFWAY TO BEING A MOM TO A LIVING BREATHING CRYING POOPING PRECIOUS BABY. If now’s not the time for freaking out from excitement and nerves then I don’t know what is.
Thing #1: I’m kind of scared about becoming a mommy. Now sure, when we decided to stop preventing pregnancy I thought about things like changing poopy diapers and crying babies and stuff. But now that I’m, oh, 19 weeks away from having to learn the ropes firsthand I’m a little nervous. I don’t like to not be good at stuff (can anyone say competitive?) and especially when it comes to taking care of our family. Good thing that fear is being counteracted by the massive amount of love that I have for this little guy and for my incredible husband…
Thing #2: The side effects of miscarriage still weigh heavily with me. Since losing our first baby I’ve definitely had my moments of fear where I feel emotionally paralyzed and can’t seem to shake the thought that we might lose this one too. In my waking moments I fight that with the fact that, as I’ve said before, God is enough and he tells me not to fear. He is in control and when I said I believe in him it meant that I believe that his will is what’s best for my life. But that doesn’t mean that nightmares don’t happen and there aren’t moments of weakness. Just last night I had the most real-feeling nightmare that I got up to go to the bathroom and saw blood and woke up sobbing. Not cool. But God is in control.
Thing #3: There are blessings in disguise that I never thought I’d wonder about. First off, I can definitely tell that I’m pregnant. I look pregnant, I feel pregnant, and I’m starting to get the sweet baby bump. But I’m not nearly as bumptastic as I’d originally imagined. Now seriously, who gets upset about that? Although upset might not be the right word – maybe more anxiously excited is more like it! Another thing is that, the other day at the doctor, I found out that I have an anterior placenta. That’s basically a fancy way to say that the placenta in my belly is on the front of my uterus rather than towards the back. No biggie…but I can’t feel the little guy moving as much as I likely would if it was located elsewhere. It’s easy to freak out and be upset about this, but the reality is that it’s forcing me to trust God more than my heart really wants to…and if it forces me to do that then it’s totally worth it. But I would love to feel the little man ASAP.
Thing #4: I thought it would be a girl. I don’t know why…I just thought that maybe the baby would be a girl and was SO surprised and excited to find out it’s a boy! He’s going to be so much fun and I just think about Nate’s baby pictures and swoon a little. This little guy is going to give his mom a run for her money and she’s going to eat it up 🙂
Thing #5: Cravings. Oh my word the cravings! Here are 4 things that I would do *almost* anything to eat right now: a margarita, a massive cobb salad, a gigantic deli sandwich and SUSHI. And out of all those things the only thing I can eat right now is the salad (minus cold cut meats). Side note: when I was in college one of the required courses was about sanitation in foodservice and OH MY WORD germs are gross. That’s one thing that I’m a little more than particular about and therefore am staying away from lunch meat and sushi. And the margarita? Should be self-explanatory. In the delivery room my friends, in the delivery room.
Thing #6: Turns out that jeans and T-shirts aren’t really incorporated into maternity clothes. One thing here: I’m screwed. That means my daily uniform will have to change to (GASP!) grown-up clothes!
Thing #7: I have found that I’m incredibly sad that my parents aren’t close by to see these changes. That plus major homesickness…I don’t think that’s only a result of pregnancy, but I miss them immensely nonetheless. And Texas? Yeah, miss that a TON!
Thing #8: I am SO THANKFUL that I’m not pregnant – big pregnant – in the dead middle of the summer. Fall and winter sounds great to me and then being able to get outside with our little guy in the summer? Yes please! Good timing on our part…you know, since we totally planned it this way. Not. But I’m still thankful 🙂
Thing #9: Have I mentioned I’m kind of freaking out? Oh, and that we’re halfway there? And I’m freaking out? I did? OK good – just don’t want to lose anyone with that tidbit.
Thing #10: Everything I just said about worries and homesickness and fear? Scrap that. Every single little bubble that I feel, every potential name that we think of, every baby room we see and every time that I find a pregnancy outfit that just fits…it all goes to show that we have been incredibly blessed and could not be more excited. As of right now I’m planning on doing a natural childbirth (no epidural or C-section) and I’m even excited about dealing with the pain and seeing the beauty of our baby boy on the other side. I’m a mom and becoming one more and more every day. What’s not to be excited about?!