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Heather's Dish

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About Joy Part II

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Good morning everyone! How are y’all doing this fine Wednesday morning? 🙂

Last night’s community group was so fun; it was great to hang out with close friends and just have a great time celebrating life together!  Nate and I were up for dinner, and we made spaghetti with meat and veggie sauce, salad, garlic bread, and cookies for dessert!

It was very easy and we had tons of leftovers, which means lunch for the two of us!  Doesn’t get much more exciting than that 😉

Joy in Relationships

Unless you’re a regular reader you might not know what Nate and I moved out here for:  to help plant a church in the Denver/Boulder area.  Granted, we were planning on moving somewhere other than Dallas anyway, but we just felt called to be in Colorado for some reason, and I’m so glad we listened to that and came!  The reason I bring this up is because I never really realized how important it was to have JOY in my relationships.  In fact, I really only had true joy in my relationship with my parents, my sister, and Nate, and even then I took that for granted!

You might be asking what it means to have joy in your relationships, and while I do not have all the answers, I can tell you what’s worked for me.  Having joy in a relationship stems from you accepting your partner (as in the person the relationship is with; this doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic partner) for who they are as an incomplete, fallible human being.  It also means accepting YOURSELF in the same way.  You know that phrase, “I’m only human”?  That phrase is a perfect example of the fact that no matter what, we will always fall short of perfection.  The fact that we have the ABILITY to move past imperfection to discover joy, fulfillment, and love others regardless is one of the things that proves to me we were made in God’s image.  Although we don’t always take the opportunity to do so, we are all fully capable of loving others regardless of their faults.  Reveling in that opportunity will certainly help in bringing joy to your marriage and friendships.

Besides accepting others, even with all their faults and weaknesses (and your own!), another way to bring joy into relationships is to actually deal with conflict.  I can hear some moaning and groaning and cries of “I’m non-confrontational!” or “I don’t want to!”  Here’s the thing guys:  not dealing with conflict will only result in a beat-down of emotional guilt, turmoil, and anger.  For example, if Nate and I get into an argument, and he says something that I take personally, my first instinct is to hurt him back and then run away.  However, by doing so what I’ve done is created an even deeper rift and actually made it harder for myself to resolve the issue once I’ve calmed down enough to do so.  I’m not saying it’s bad to express your emotions; quite the opposite really!  But do so in a way that honors yourself and honors the other person.  This also applies to the “are we in high school again?” situations.  Talking behind people’s backs really only makes you look bad, and I think we all know that it harvests guilt like nothing else.  Dealing with conflict rationally is key, and (since we all have emotions) make sure that when you DO bring emotion into it you name the emotion for what it is.  If you need to take a step back so you don’t say or do something hurtful, do it.  Just make sure that you don’t avoid conflict as it always increases the strength and communicativity in relationships.

Another key is to HAVE FUN! We usually make friends and build relationships on common interests, on things that we find enjoyable.  Take the time to do that with the people you are in relationship with.  Obviously if we’re talking about someone from work, that might be hard, but the thing is we can always share a smile, tell a joke, laugh at someone else’s jokes, and take the time to enJOY other people’s company.  Go on a picnic, eat at a great restaurant, go to a concert, take a walk/jog/bike ride, grab a cup of coffee, take a hike…ANYTHING that you enjoy with another person will usually make you happier and intensify the relationship.  We’ve been blessed with a huge earth and tons of stuff to do:  take advantage of it!

Finally (and this is in no way the only 4 points on how to take joy in a relationship), it is key that you do these things with people you enjoy spending time with.  Now don’t misunderstand me:  we are called to love ALL people ALL the time.  However, we are not called to be everyone’s best friend all the time.  If you’re forcing yourself to hang out with a group of people or an individual because you feel you HAVE to (popularity, business opportunity, they’re the only ones you know, etc) you’re cheating yourself and you’re cheating the other person.  While I do feel you can grow to love someone and spending time with them, don’t do it because you have to or you FEEL you have to.  Spend time with people you love because you actually already love them!  It will help grow those relationships and teach you how to accept them, deal with conflict, and have fun so you can share the love with others.

As I said before, these little tips are in no way the be-all end-all to taking joy in your relationships, but I feel it’s a good place to start.  I pray that all of you would take some time today to examine your relationships with others and find ways to love them (and yourself!) better!

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Comments

  1. Fawn @ Happy Wives Club says

    April 8, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    Yum!! That veggie sauce looks like meet sauce. And beyond the food, your post on how you deal with conflict management is wonderful. Hurting and running is a recipe for disaster so it’s a blessing that you and Nate do the opposite.

    Reply
  2. Mai Bateson says

    April 8, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Pasta leftovers is the best!!!! 😀 clap clap clap!

    Love the article too. My husband and I are great complement of each other. We lift and encourage each other up when one is down and sad. Glad to be working as a team with my hubby! 🙂 And I love it more when everything is running smooth, happy and mutual! 😀

    Reply
  3. nutritious foodie says

    May 19, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    perfect timing for this post… I was thinking today that I am exhausted.. I don’t want to cook, I don’t want to blog I just want to veg… part of it is because Raymond and I have over exhaust ourself and honestly we need to learn to say no to somethings. I am really re-thinking some of my relationships and trying to get out of this funk.

    Reply
  4. Katie @ Health for the Whole Self says

    May 19, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    This is a great post!

    In terms of dealing with conflict, my husband I make a point of holding hands whenever we’re having a disagreement. It forces us to remember that the disagreement is temporary, but our love isn’t. It’s also really hard to say something hurtful to someone when you’re holding his hand! Finally, it forces us to be close to each other physically, which is the opposite of what we might instinctively do – run away.

    Reply
  5. Heba says

    May 19, 2010 at 11:21 am

    You are so cute! I love what you have to say about joy in relationships – I agree with everything in this post. Often, I expect a lot of joy from my relationships, but I don’t make the effort to bring in joy. It’s definitely important to remember that it goes both ways!

    Reply
  6. Heather (Where's the Beach) says

    May 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

    This is really a good post and comes at a very good time for me. Thank you for this reminder.

    Reply
  7. Anne @ Food Loving Polar Bear says

    May 19, 2010 at 10:35 am

    I like this post a lot, I have many same opinions and think you’re so right!

    Reply
  8. Blond Duck says

    May 19, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Popped in to say hi! I love your blog. It’s so cheerful and inspirational!

    Reply
  9. runnerforever says

    May 19, 2010 at 10:25 am

    I love this post, all so true, but sometimes hard to realize! Oh, and that looks like a great traditional dinner 🙂

    Reply
  10. Heather says

    May 19, 2010 at 9:38 am

    clap clap clap!! NICE! I couldn’t stress the forgiveness part enough!
    Also, it helps to draw your strength from God and not try to look to your partner to fulfill what only He can.
    One thing I’ve had to work on is APPRECIATING how different my hubby and I are. Oh my-if people only knew!!!
    In a million years people would never pair us.
    Nearly 9 years ago we got married after knowing each other for 4 months and it keeps getting better!!
    (NOT a shotgun wedding either. Our first kiss on the lips was when the pastor said, “you may now kiss the bride.”)

    Reply
  11. kbwood says

    May 19, 2010 at 9:26 am

    awww i love this heather!!!
    NONE of us are perfect but relationships can show Gods grace by the way we treat and respect each other. you are awesome and so full of joy and wisdom! LOVE IT!

    Reply
  12. Tina says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:41 am

    This was perfect for me to read after my experience with my friend this weekend. Thanks. It is written wonderfully and I love all of your points. I especially like how you mention none of us our perfect, but the fact we can embrace each other despite that shows we are in God’s image. That really spoke to me. 🙂

    Reply
  13. Tami@nutmegnotebook.com says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:39 am

    That was beautiful and a great way to start my day. I agree with everything you said.

    My husband and I have been married for 31 beautiful years and we love each other as much today as we did in the beginning. We now know more about our short comings and also our strong points. We are each others best cheerleader and motivator.

    Reply
  14. LiveForTheRun says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:31 am

    I feel like I just read my horoscope, it was like you knew I needed to hear this. Happiness, only real when shared.

    Applause!

    Reply
  15. hundredtenpounds says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:20 am

    I try to be “everything” and that can be exhausting. I’m learning to just be myself. My BF loves me for who I am, not for me trying to be “Everything”.

    Reply
  16. Jessica @ How Sweet It Is says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:20 am

    Perfectly put. I think acceptance (and forgiveness) are the biggest components to any successful relationship.

    Reply
  17. Kara @ MyWellnest says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:16 am

    I love leftovers, I feel your excitment!

    GREAT post!!!!!!!! It’s really just what I needed to ready today 🙂

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Foodsite Magazine Picks thru Dec 2 | Foodsite Magazine says:
    November 30, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    […] JOYFUL IN THE KITCHEN GARDEN, PART II, BUDGET EXPERIMENT – Okay, the 30 days is over, and here’s a log of everything eaten. […]

    Reply
  2. Foodsite Magazine Picks thru Nov 18 | Foodsite Magazine says:
    November 11, 2011 at 4:35 am

    […] JOYFUL IN THE KITCHEN GARDEN, PART II, BUDGET EXPERIMENT – Okay, the 30 days is over, and here’s a log of everything eaten. […]

    Reply
  3. Foodsite Picks thru Nov 11 | Foodsite Magazine says:
    November 4, 2011 at 3:09 am

    […] JOYFUL IN THE KITCHEN GARDEN, PART II, BUDGET EXPERIMENT – Okay, the 30 days is over, and here’s a log of everything eaten. […]

    Reply
  4. Let’s Talk Cookies « Heather's Dish says:
    May 19, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    […] Recipes The Joyful Kitchen Part II […]

    Reply

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